so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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