Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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