Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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