You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
