Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
