I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
