Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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