every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Randomize
