how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
