Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
