i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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