i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
