Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
