I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize