wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
she told me i tasted like america
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
