Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
