Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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