TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
