just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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