You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
