I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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