How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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