so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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