My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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