Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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