If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
my shit smells like andre
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
