I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize