I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Randomize
