soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
