two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
