I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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