i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
