Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
