she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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