I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize