I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
