How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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