Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
