So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
