we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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