I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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