i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I enjoy the company of your penis
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
