what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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