tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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