I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize