talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
