I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
