is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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