Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
