Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
ok first of all what the fuck
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
