From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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