I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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