i permit you to call me
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
