I'm pants shitting drunk right now
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
