P.S. I can't hear my feet
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I can't turn off my feet"
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Is Oprah even human
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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