you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
