It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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