she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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