Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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