i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
