you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
