jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
