she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
