What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
