The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
