Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
