my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
