if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
