My balls are so social today.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
