just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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