Heybabeimwearingurpanties
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize