I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
